Kyril's Journal -- November 20, 2004

Winter is Coming

Saturday November 20, 2004

The following is my post to my livejournal under the name Oakwind.

Saturday morning and we are up early despite staying up a bit later last night with our weekend guests. The Implement store is delivering our grader blade this morning so Tom is up to deal with that and I am up because I am a light sleeper and wake when he does if I am not already up.

I have been feeling rather strange these last several weeks. I have a sense of endings or impending endings that strikes me at odd times. Logically I can suggest that going to Jim Looman's memorial service at Samhain could be the reason for it. Certainly we were there to honor his ending but for me it was also a service for CAW as well and I found myself looking at the BOD members who were there and their efforts to bridge the gap with a feeling of too little too late. For me CAW was already dead. It had been put into dormancy before Jim's death. It felt odd to be there interacting with tribe knowing that I wasn't going to continue with iCAW and so would not be in the "same" tribe anymore.

There have been rumblings in my other primary’s relationships lately suggesting if not real endings, certainly change that felt like it might be an ending. It doesn't seem like it is turning out that way but certainly he has been talking about and feeling down about some situations, which could be endings.

So this is the season of letting go, of winding up the old, paying off debts (though most of us now just roll them over with credit cards into long months of paying), preparing for the winter. G.R.R. Martin has a series of fantasy novels, A Song of Ice and Fire in which the motto of one Family is something like "Winter is Coming," and that phrase has stuck in my mind for this kind of fey-like collection of emotions surrounding endings, impending something, inevitable and sad. It may just be a natural cycle and I even like it to some extent yet this year I am not looking forward to that turn of the wheel. It may also be made more intense by the results of the recent elections in this country (USA).

I have been looking at myself in all this as well. Are there endings I should be making? What is it I should be letting go of? What should I be doing now to prepare for what is coming?

And even in the midst of all this I am planning for the spring as I web search for plants for a rock garden, and contemplate putting raised beds over the buried phone lines and part of the driveway, which will be turned into a shade garden.