Monthly Review

Wednesday December 1, 2004

It is actually the 7th today – this is the first time that I have had time to sit down and look back at the previous month.

The first week in November after and, I feel in spite of, the elections I was in a really noticeable good mood, the kind I haven’t had for awhile. I wish it would have lasted longer because who knows when it will return again but at least I now remember again what it feels like to simply be in a good mood. And I know that it is within me to be happy and from some outside event, if only I would find the key to accessing it on a more regular basis.

We also got our new path built, gravel moved, low rock walls built, and we are using it. I am delighted with it, enough that I have decided to extend the garden idea to planting a rock garden along the path in the retainer walls. And I am hoping to get fabric while I am out in L.A. to sew new curtains for our living room as well. So it does seem like some energy of taking action is moving even if not as dramatic as I might otherwise like.

This was also a month of visitors and visiting for us. I realize it may be typical for many to do that during the Thanksgiving holiday season but we don’t usually do a lot of it. We had two sets of visitors spend the weekend with us at different times: Joyful and Mark, Craig and Jean. And we were visitors by spending two days over Thanksgiving with my mom.

The aurora borealis put on a spectacular show for us the while Joyful and Mark were visiting. It was a beautiful experience to share with a partner (Tom), and friends.

I had several difficult conversations with Faol, did mediation for him and another person, spent hours processing with both of them individually, and generally experienced emotional draining. Faol and I were also in more phone communication than we often are or had been for awhile. Something about going to an every other day restriction, perhaps, which increased his desire to talk every day :)

Livejournal has become a daily stop to check on friend’s lives. And I started one myself under Oakwind, largely to connect with friends who are involved there. I don’t intend to post heavily there but just kind of do updates. The posts will tend to be different in both places though I will occasionally mention that a post here is from my livejournal.

Last Month's Tarot reading and events.

This Month’s Tarot reading

Where I am centered this month – is in looking at my emotions/relationships.

The image of the 4 of Cups is a man leaning against a tree. 3 goblets are on the grass in front of him, while a 4th is floating to the side. This can mean being focused on the situation, emotions, relationships before one while ignoring or missing something else. It can also mean manifesting one’s desires. Meditating on a desired outcome or dreaming it into existence. I prefer to think that this is something that is coming into being rather than my being simply caught up in fantasy. But in any case there is something rather quiet and peaceful about the scene and the man seems relaxed. That seems a good place to be right now. It also occurs to me that it could be Faol with his three relationships, contemplating others. This doesn't seem like something that would be good for me to be centered in.

My body – is being reawakened and renewed, rising from the ashes (I hope). The following interpretation speaks of healing, great transformation, and renewal. So I am definitely going with that idea. This card in the Robin Wood Tarot deck is that of a Woman outlined by a Phoenix rising out of a Cauldron or perhaps just standing in it. But I have the feeling of the myth about the Cauldron of Rebirth, and the shamanistic view of it where the body goes into the cauldron and the flesh is boiled off the bones, and all is reduced to the elements. Then the person is reconstituted as a new healed, regenerated self. I would like to think that I would feel some renewal and healing.

“it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.” http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/learn/meanings/judgement.shtml

My Emotions – are running ahead of me.

One of the interpretations I came across for the Page of Swords is detachment. I like this card in this deck. I see her as not just running with a sword but of dancing with it. So I see a quality of joyousness and rushing ahead. Pages are often messengers as well so perhaps I need to pay more attention to my insights and intuitions coming to me emotionally this next month.

My Spirit – is feeling burdened and overwhelmed.

It certainly seems like there will be a sense of carrying a heavy burden, or having a lot of work. But one of the things that I always note about this card is that the person is holding the “burdens” in front of their face so that is all that can be seen rather than lifting them up to the shoulders or carrying them on the back, which would at least be an easier way to carry them. Some suggest putting some of the wands down and that may be needed but it is also possible that taking a different attitude will make the load seem lighter.

“Perhaps you are being asked to shoulder too many responsibilities, and must figure out at which point to say "enough is enough"! You risk accomplishing nothing if you take on more than you can handle. So today, do what's important...and rid yourself of the rest!”

http://www.tarotscopes.com/10wands.html

My Mind – is in control and focused.

There may be some sorrow but there is also attention to detail, accuracy, high standards, and a dedication to truth. This can be about seeing exactly what is, rather than what others would wish one to see. Perception is clear and there is clarity of mind.

How the past affects this month – feelings of helplessness prevent seeing solutions to problems.

I have allowed my thoughts to be restricted and narrowed. This makes perceiving the way out of a problem more difficult. Self-imposed bondage? And inaction. My choices have created limitations and a kind of entrapment that makes me feel helpless in my current situations. But even now I am surrounded by tools to help me and it is my choice that keeps me in the situation or from discovering the way out.

Where I am moving towards the future – is change, I prefer to think for the better.

The wheel turns bringing better times, abundance, change, and growth. Something good comes about by chance or just out of the blue. New circumstances brought about by the turn of the wheel. Ups and downs, cycles and patterns. Coincidences and effortless success.

Well it will be interesting to see what actually happens after drawing this card, won’t

it?

We went to bed about 3 am but I still woke around 6:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I got up and went through his mail pile to get rid of the junk and find anything important. I discovered an overdue bill so we added it to the list of errands, which included going to pay his mortgage and food shopping. I cleaned off the sofa, which had one end covered with stuff, and put the stuff where it belonged. By the time he got up I had made a small dent in things. He was aware of what I had done too because he told me how much better I make things for him and that he appreciates my efforts to bring order into his home.

At Trader Joe's we got me the food I eat while here, salads and bananas and juice for my breakfast drink. I was worried about the time because I knew he had to get to work but he told me that he wasn’t going. We were going to have fun so we didn’t have to worry about it.

We took the food home and he made some phone calls but they weren’t too long. We went to the movies to see National Treasure. It is a pretty good movie, I think. There was little graphic violence either. It had action, mystery, riddles, and a romance.


     

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