Yearly Review
While the year started with fear, worry, a sense of betrayal, and unhappiness with the state of things with CAW it has ended in a more neutral space. I retired last February to a storm of flaming, which continued into March. My life became less stressed when I got off all those CAW email lists, which allowed such negativity.
February was a difficult month what with my retirement and the trip to Pantheacon with Faol and Joyful. There was a lot of processing and unpleasant feelings, which have been a periodic feature of last year, coming up again and again. In between though things did seem to settle down and even improve.
By summer there was hope that a new church might be in the works. I don’t know what will happen with that but I no longer have that hopeful feeling. It seems to have bogged down and is missing excitement and discovery. But my relationship with Faol took another step towards deepening with his buying me a ring that connects to my engagement/wedding ring. A few months later he told me that I was his second primary. By the end of the year he had kind of taken that back by saying that he didn’t want to use the term but that I was still very important to him. I guess that is just a way of saying that it was the usual ups and downs that I have experienced all along with this relationship. Recently he used the phrase peripheral girlfriends, and seemed to be saying that I was one of those. Yet I know that he considers me a fixture in his life and wants to be in a living situation with me (and others) some day.
I began using the Centerpointe Holosync Solutions program for meditation and am still not sure that the effects warrant continued use of it. There have definitely been some progress with it but is it worth the $250 per level approximately, expense? I am unsure but am thinking about going ahead and purchasing the next level. It is a kind of technological new age approach to change. I have 6 more weeks on this level and am not going to make up my mind until I get closer to the end of that process.
In the last four months I have begun to have more energy, at least enough to work on some projects here at home, accomplishing some rearranging of furniture, clearing out of some clutter, designing and developing (with the aid of Joyful and Mark) a new entryway path and low rock wall, which will be a garden come spring/summer. I see this as the beginning of a return to myself. I don’t know whether I am coming out of the underworld journey that I have been experiencing since my falling in love with Faol (still in love with him though) or and this is perhaps more likely, I am finally nearing the end of being perimenopausal to reach actual menopause. Tiredness and a lot of hormonal ups and downs are typical and I have certainly experienced a lot of that these last 5 years in particular. But the symptoms should level out as the end of the stage is reached. I may not be fully out of it but I should be very close to it. I am hoping that it means a kind of return to myself, more energy and emotional semi-stability, anyway. So I am looking forward to this next year with that hope.
I did a tarot reading to see what the new year will bring into my life. But
I am going to change the way I present those and simply include a link to
it here. That way for those who are not interested
in it, skipping it is made easy. For those with motivation to see it, a click
away is simplicity. For last months tarot reading with results look here.
Copyright © 2004 Kyril Oakwind