Funky Day
Sunday January 30, 2005
When I got up Faol was on the phone and there was a funky feel. I felt strange and started to gremlin. I went and made tea and my breakfast drink. I took him his tea and set it down at his feet. I did a little email and drank my drink, then did the two days worth of dishes in the sink. He got off the phone and headed towards the kitchen then suddenly turned around and went back to the phone without saying a word to me. I felt really bad about that. It bothered me that he couldn’t take a moment between calls to say good morning. I came back when he got off and asked if he wanted his bath started but he wanted breakfast. I made it and went back to the computer. When I got up to start his bath he held out his arm and said my name and held me saying he had not said good morning to me and he felt bad about that. I felt a lot better emotionally for myself but the energy here still feels kind of funky and I find that hard.
His date called to talk with him and explain why she stood him up. He will probably stay involved with her because he takes a lot of poor behavior towards him from others. He did push for more info about her and learned that she has long term clinical depression, which she takes an anti-depressant for. My feelings about this is that while it says nothing about who she is as a person and she may be wonderful, his life is too complicated and filled with his own stuff to take on someone else who will need extra consideration and care.
I took a long hot bath and talked with Tom on the phone about LLC’s and things in general. Afterwards I just didn’t have the energy to do much so did some email, wrote here, made tea. I ended up having two lunches as I first had the leftovers from the meal I made last week, then realized I wanted the meal from Market City so had those leftovers. Sigh… I decided I should get dressed and had just done so when Faol returned home, seemingly even funkier. He suggested that we go take a nap and so we did.
A friend called after about an hour and a half. I answered it and passed it to him. He went downstairs to gab and I stayed and tried to get back to sleep but no luck so came back down and did email, and a jigsaw puzzle.
While I realize that my mood is affected by Faol part of the problem for
me is that I am feeling at odds with my life, not really happy, and no power
to change the situation other than eliminating things that I don’t choose
to eliminate. So the only option that I see is changing myself, and that is
incredibly difficult for me to do.
Copyright © 2005 Kyril Oakwind