Kyril's Journal -- February 20, 2005

Faol Stuff

Sunday February 20, 2005

Yesterday the weather report called for something like 6 in. of snow so we went into Madison to find pleater tape and thread for the drapes. The pleater thread was $3 a yard which was almost twice what I paid for the fabric per yard so I didn’t purchase it hoping to find it online for less. I found it half price but with a minimum order that would have me buying things I didn’t want to bring the price up, and I couldn’t find anything that would just lift me to the minimum without going over a lot so haven’t yet purchased it. After my fast I will be able to check it out again.

There was a message from Faol when I returned so I called him but we played phone tag. I did get to talk with him later though. It seems that he is planning on moving a friend into the little room that is now a pantry but will be expanded by adding half the utility room to it. His friend currently lives in a little one-room place with no cooking facilities, a toilet in a tiny closet, and the group shower situation down the hall. This way he will have access to the kitchen and bath but it will be in a family situation and not shared with a lot of people.

I am uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger living in the house while Faol is gone all afternoon and evening. Faol thinks that since his friend is kind of a hermit now that he will keep to himself but I think it is potentially possible that it is at least somewhat due to his living circumstances, and that this change will bring him out of his shell. This may be good for him and may be good for Faol but whether it will be ok for me, or the rest of his female relationships that I am unsure about. Once done though it is on a year-to-year basis so if I can’t live with it or find it more stressful I will have to cope with it for at least the year.

Financially it will be helpful to Faol though who is having problems with having the money to finish fixing up his place. The rent from this will help him with that. Though actually he is thinking about going to visit Raven for a weekend every month and this will pay for his airfare with some left over. Apparently Raven is ok with the idea so there isn’t really much for me to say about it.

It is his house and he can do what he wants with it. I don’t really live there despite how much I visit him. I would like to feel that I live there but there isn’t any place that is really mine out there. The bedroom that he has said is mine when I am there is still only mine when I am there. When other women are there then they can use it. Joyful has been using the downstairs bed with him though so I have had the sense that I had a space that was at least kind of mine. With his friend renting and coming through the dining room to get to his room or bath I imagine that they will be using the bed upstairs. This isn’t about any issue with Joyful – I am ok with that. It is just that I don’t feel that I have a place in the house despite how much I am out there and every time I start to feel that I do it gets taken away for some one else. It just reminds me that I am really only a visitor.