Kyril's Journal -- March 5, 2005

A DFS Day

Saturday March 5, 2005

I was still a little down this morning and having trouble stopping the negative thoughts. Tom and I had a DFS (damn fine sex) day though and that really really improved my mood. Faol called and left a message while we were otherwise occupied. I called him back and we had a pretty good conversation. He was relatively humble and a bit introspective, admitting to having been acting in ways that were not good for the people around him. He said that he would try and curb that but wasn’t making any promises. I let him know that I can’t go through another three week visit of being completely miserable. It isn’t good for me. I can deal with some problems when we also have some good times to balance it. So we will see how the rest of this month goes as regards my emotional state and our phone conversations and my month long visit out there in April. I am very much hoping that we can work on our relationship and find ways to improve it. My expectations seem out of line with his choices for our relationship and I am hoping that we can talk about some of that when we are together. If I need to change some of mine then I will work on them but some of them are basics for me in a major relationship like this one. I do know though that it generally takes two to have a problem.

Tom and I went for a short walk and a clear path lured me on to a bit longer walk than we had intended. And of course after a bit that clear path began to have prickly berry bushes but we made it around a cliff face and back up to pretty much the place we had started from. It was good to be out on the land, if even for a short while. We don’t tend to walk it much once it gets pretty snow covered as slippery icy hills don’t contribute to our enjoyment.

Now we are back trying to find an appropriate FTP program because the one I was using was broken by service pack 2 and the previous one has problems with a lot of files, which by now my journal site has. I am trying to update the Sweetwood Temenos site but this problem is, of course, also preventing that. So right now Tom is trying to figure out why the windows one is no longer working in the hopes that there is some setting or change he can make to accommodate it.