Kyril's Journal -- April 6, 2005

Another Down

Wednesday April 6, 2005

Last night Faol had a phone date with Whitney however when he called her she was on her way to visit, seems she had misunderstood and thought he had invited her over. I heard him though and he said he would like to talk with her, just didn’t say over the phone. She was only about 20 minutes away and neither of us felt good about telling her no at that point. I wasn’t happy about it but was ok with it for the most part. She came over while Faol was in the shower and I was meditating with Holosync so had to stop to answer the door. I spoke with her until Faol was done then went back upstairs to finish my meditation. When I was done I came back and spoke with them again for a few moments then went and did the dishes. The phone rang and Faol took the call. She took a nap. I felt it was impolite of him but he doesn’t seem to have a middle ground, either he takes the call and ends up talking or he doesn’t answer calls when someone is here.

I went to bed and a bit later he came up to join me as she was napping. We cuddled for a bit then he went back to wake her up for love making. Sometime later I woke up as he came to bed. She had decided not to spend the night as we had things we needed to do in the morning and she wouldn’t be getting time with him then.

This morning was Faol’s time to call Joyful but when I got up he had called Raven because of a bad dream. Whatever passed between them made him sad and I thought that he was in a Raven funk, which means that he would be depressed and low energy for days. He did go ahead and call Joyful. At some point while I was making tea and breakfast for him I heard him telling Joyful he had to get off to call Cinnamon back. Then he talked with Cinnamon about various things including his latest interest, Cheryl. I hit a point where it was too much other women stuff after the weekend with not enough time for me. I was very upset and cried for awhile. When he spoke to me I told him I wanted him to leave me alone so he went back and called Joyful to finish their conversation.

Eventually we talked about it, had make up sex, and finally went out to run the errands we had planned. We didn’t go out for a sushi lunch though as I didn’t feel like I would really enjoy it. And as it turned out we didn’t really have enough time. We got home in time for him to try and call his niece one more time, and have a quick lunch, get ready and head off to work.

I was going to get together with Susan to help her get her product written up and online but her hard drive crashed so she is dealing with that instead and we are set up to try again Friday. So I called Tom. He has reached a point where he is fed up with the ups and downs of my relationship with Faol and is really ready for me to be done with it though he won’t do anything to really encourage me to do so as he understands that I have to work things through myself. I still have some hope that Faol can change the things that bother me or that I can reach a point where my emotional responses are not so intensely negative about some matters. It seems to me that I still have a lot to learn about handling my own emotional states and that I am getting a lot of opportunity to do so here. And when things are good they are very good.

Time spent working on Faol’s finances was frustrating as I don’t have a pin number to use for the log in for one of his retirement accounts and of course they won’t give it to me. So he will have to call and get it and possibly okay me so they will talk to me about what the account information means so I can get it set up in Money. It was rather confusing to me.