Kyril's Journal -- July 12, 2005

Vision Quest: Day 2

Tuesday July 12, 2005

I woke up with many dreams. In my dream I was trying to wake up because I heard voices, a man behind the tent talking to his son, women talking nearby and the sound of them going into their tent near me, a troop of people passed behind the tent. I tried to unwind from the sheet and get up to look out the window but each time I tried I found myself looking at the door instead, or not having turned over, or sinking back asleep to have a different vignette play out, a voice said it was okay because it wasn’t 11 yet.

A scary one was a barking dog. I saw a big fat beagle-like dog chasing another dog. It went from the back to side to front of the tent. Then there were 2 black guard type dogs, can’t remember the name but it is a German kind of dog I think, maybe with a V. All I can come up with though is the manager of the House Magnum (from Magnum PI) stayed in had 2 dogs like that. (Asked Tom later and he said it is a Doberman. One of the dogs came to the door of my tent and was sniffing around trying to figure out how to get in and I was afraid.

Another of the vignettes had my tent on a beach and I thought I had been there long enough for a sea to fill in the area across the orchard and make a beach where the orchard is. I saw a woman coming towards me. There was a green building.

Then I found myself in a square room like a cell. It was covered in small squares of tan/brown carpeting with a red dot in the center. There was a small matching brown dog in the room. I grabbed it at first. Then a boxer came to the door with a red ball and dropped it. I think it left after that. It became or really was a tiny red pea-sized one, which I flicked and it rolled. The little dog chased it around. After a bit I tried to get out but the doorway was covered in carpeting. Then there was something like a stencil, which had words, something about console. I pushed the different squares that might be buttons but when nothing happened I pulled it off. It seemed the stencils were supposed to be punched out to “fill in the form”. There was another one marked for the dumber or something like that. The door was transparent again. I tried to slide the window to the right. There was another under it. The glass changed a little with each one I pushed, with the last couple looking crackled and broken in one corner. Then something reached a paw through then left so I tried to go out and succeeded.

I was in a white institutional looking corridor. They would be after me so I tried to escape without being caught I ducked into a room, locker room, shower room, it turned out. I watched as a woman I couldn’t see said she needed shower clothes and another woman reached through a door opening in a wall that was between the both women. She was leaning up against the wall with her shoulders flat and her head turned. The door was below her chest level so she couldn’t see what she was doing, and washed/scrubbed the other woman – my analog I thought. She sang then expected the woman to chime in with her. It was a well known children’s song to her but I didn’t know it. I think the word fortescu was in it but can’t remember the rest. My analog knew it though and sang it. I saw her when she was done being washed. She looked like an egg shaped person like tweedle dee and tweedle dum. She was Caucasian colored, but with strange grayish blue coloration, veins maybe but not vein patterned. But for some reason I thought of Melissa Hart from Sabrina.

I finally woke for real.

I wanted to dream more and went back to bed to try to sleep after finding it was light, getting up to pee, noticing I wasn’t cold anymore. I woke up after dreaming feeling inundated and a bit like Alice down the rabbit hole with all the imagery.

It’s been an interesting day. After writing down my dreams I went to the house for tea, and washing, and exercises. Tom woke up and I slipped into bed with him. He hugged me like he had missed me. I gathered another blanket, jeans, frozen water in bottles, and fire starter in a bag.

Tom came out last night and joined me for the fire. We sat speaking very little until it had burned to a pile of hot coals. It was good.

I did Reiki on myself, something I haven’t done in awhile, while listening to Holosync. It seemed to work well. I practiced the symbols relearning them as I had forgotten some of them. The first visionquest I did Reiki every day. I like that so am repeating it.

My plan for today was to hoe one of the asparagus beds but the ground is dry and hard. It didn’t get as hot today, perhaps only 75 and humid. Very quickly I was soaked and the sweat dripped in my eyes. I left the weeds as mulch. I took a gallon of water and fertilizer out to one section but didn’t feel like I had the energy for more. There isn’t hose to the barn so it is hard to water. Tomorrow I will take more out. Perhaps Tom will feel like helping me unroll the plastic pipe so it can get water out there but since we haven’t been planting a vegetable garden for several years he may not.

The writing exercise for today was fun. It was to write down a sound, an image from a dream, a taste, and something tactile. Then start with a sentence starting with the sound, tastes like and go from there. The intention was to be dreamlike, fluid, not necessarily logical and to write about ½ page for each.

Singing tastes like crystal cold water. Breathing in and breathing out high clear notes. Water burbling in a brook as it splashes and runs under and between stones. Singing carries the crisp energy of movement, trilling waterways that attract animals in the heat of summer. The birds sit in the trees above singing. I see the red bird warbling to attract its mate, the purity of its desire contained in the lucid sound of its chirps. Another male, not too far away, sings back to establish his superiority. Is there a female nearby? Who will she choose? Perhaps both? Long red feathers trail as the bird flies away leaving a trail of crimson motes like drops of blood flung out from the wound of his desire. Shining in the sun the drops fall to the earth as a handful of bright rubies. I pick one up and put it in my mouth. Dissolving into sweetly tart juice an image of love swims before my eyes and I see the face of my lover, eyes glowing with love and desire. I reach out but too late, he is soaring on the wind, flying high in the sky. And I am earth bound, feet tangled in the roots of a tree, held down by vines. But I will not be stopped and my essence glides along the very vines that bind me, twining about a tall tree, reaching out and swaying in the breeze as I leap into the sky, a butterfly fluttering aloft. A black swallowtail with a bright red spot on each wing merges with translucent image of a man who smiles.

The cell is padded with carmel-colored carpet, which sings like a cat purring, warm and content, safe and well. There is a movement at the door and I pounce but it slides away. I follow moving swiftly, gracefully, like a tiger on the prowl. The stripes are red and black and remind me of the riddle,”What is black and white and red all over?”. A zebra with a sunburn leaps away from my tiger self and I pursue for the sheer join of the chase, laughing. Can tigers laugh? I can. The zebra stands still trembling and I part company with the tiger as it leaps over the zebra’s back and continues running. What now? The zebra is licking off the sunburn and the makeup man strides over quickly. Cut calls the Director. Suddenly there are many people busily moving about. Each has a task and they are totally focused on achieving it. But it is all too busy for me and I wonder off in search of a chord. On a high hill is a perfectly clear crystal. The light of the moon flows down it like rain to pool at its base. The crystal is reflected in the moonlight. The cooler floats on the surface. A dromedary opens the cooler and takes out a bottle of sand. It shakes the sand over its back and takes a drink of the moonbeam. It rolls in the pool. Sandy moon, moony sand.

Strawberry gets lonely for champagne. Champagne bubbles tickle her nose and she sneezes again and again. It’s a green day and the air is redolent of strawberries. Tiny little plump wild berries hiding from the terror of teeth chomping cry out as a squirrel nibbles. Nibbling and darting away to run up a cliff where it nests at the top, it jumps off and flies. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and soar. The clouds are big scrumptious berries. Sliding through a cloud leaves a sweet taste. Where else is there sweetness? Suddenly there is a storm and the clouds are wind-tossed and shredded. Pink juice flows down to wet the ground and people turn their faces to the sky and open their mouths to catch the nectar. Laughing they open arms and swirl in a dance like Sufi’s, spinning and spinning, until they rise into the sky completely unlike the maple seeds whose spinning only serves to bring them to rest on the earth. Seeds sprout and a delicate shoot rises up, all blue and bulbous to burst apart into dandelion fluff. Lazily floating on unseen sprites the air is filled with fuzzy balls. They bounce when they hit the ground and float some more. The cat smacks with a paw, and pounces fiercely, then eats it up. Oh my!

Sand laughs when it gets in his underwear. It is too intimate for him and he strips off his clothes and jumps in the shower. The sand washes down the drain and out the pipes. It flows a long way until it finds itself dumped into the ocean from which it came. Home at last. What a long journey! It nestles down on the floor with the rest of its family, myriad grains, too many to count but all are known to it. Gentle currents wash by, stirring many of the family. A shark digs into the sand to hide. It can’t be seen. If it can’t be seen it must be gone. Gone away to another world, another plane, where the food is plenty and falls right into its mouth and it chews and swallows. Life is good. It leaps up and out of the water for the sheer joy of movement becoming a dolphin as it somersaults. Droplets fly out in a shining spray of diamonds. Salty tears fall back to the ocean, not longer alone but part of the great ocean once more. Laughter rises and falls as waves tumble the sand once again, currents carrying it back to the beach where children make sand castles, and sand angels. Sand laughs when it gets in their underwear and the children laugh back, enjoying the scratchy smooth feel.

The Life Principles lesson for today reviewed the previous one then moved on to focus. Basically the idea is that we are very good at manifesting what we focus on. And what people tend to focus on is what they don’t want. If you focus on not having money that is what you get. If you focus on your fears you attract the very thing you are trying to avoid.

So the homework is to be aware of my focus. Negative emotions are brought about by focusing on what you don’t want so use it to be aware, ask yourself what you do want, then make an internal representation, which could be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic, of what you do want and focus on that instead. Do it as often as necessary whenever you notice a negative focus. In the first 40 minutes I noticed it happen 15 times. Sigh..

It is grey, and drizzly, a bit on the cool side.