Patterns and Insights
Wednesday July 20, 2005
There is stuff happening on the Grok Fellowship list. I answered a difficult email and am not sure what the result will be but I felt stressed. Tom and I talked about it and I gradually worked into an insight about what I am now considering a kind of emotional abuse that I feel I have been doing. It relates to the idea that no one has a right to know what you are thinking and you don’t have a right to share what you have been thinking without consent either. My analyzing patterns, then describing what I think the pattern means in regards to someone else’s feelings and motivations is inappropriate without informed consent. Maybe I am right about what I see but I am still imposing through the telling of my views to an extent. So I am going to try and stop it. When I discussed it with Faol he was happy that I was looking at a behavior in myself that he hasn’t liked but he thinks I am being too hard on myself and looking at it in too extreme a way. I don’t think it makes me a bad person or an abusive person but I do think it is intrusive and I would rather learn to communicate differently more I see a, b, c, and d and my emotional response to that pattern is … instead of I see a, b, c, and d which means that you must be feeling such and such or have this motivation, which makes me feel this.
That is the kind of insight that Holosync claims one will develop through doing the program. I still don’t know whether it can be attributed to that or not though. Someone called Faol while we were talking and he wanted to take the call. I pointed out that I might not be there when he called but he was willing to take that chance.
I talked with Joyful, which delayed us on our shopping trip. While we were talking Faol called on my cell phone, asked Tom if he could control me through having Tom relay the message, and upon receiving permission said for me to get off the phone with Joyful and he would call me back in a minute. So I did and we talked for about 20 min. then Tom and I finally made it out for food shopping
We rented Pride and Pejudice, the modern version, which we are watching now
and The Life Aquatic.
Copyright © 2005 Kyril Oakwind