Kyril's Journal -- August 7, 2005

Give, Give, Give, Boom!

Sunday August 7, 2005

I got up pretty unhappy. We got in this morning about 4:15 so I got about 4 hours sleep before the light wouldn’t let me sleep anymore. Eventually Faol and I processed the problem of the night before some more. We had talked a bit in the car on the way home.

He said he felt like paying the extra money to send me home, that he didn’t seem to be very good for me, and I was unhappy. We managed to get past that point, and move on to his telling me I should have come back into the house the minute I started kicking myself for telling him he could stay as long as he wanted, and told him that I needed to go. And that is, of course, part of the problem, I do try to give him what he seems to want, or says that he wants, or even just commented on, until it all builds up and is too much for me. Give, Give, Give, until it hurts then blow up. It is a pattern I have but he participates in because he knows it but will take, take, take, as much as he can get then push for more. All I can say is that we are working on it and both agree that we want to keep working on our relationship.

Faol suggested that we go to a movie, not that it would resolve anything, but we do feel emotionally better afterward having gotten out of the disagreement headspace, which allows us to come back together and try again without so much rancor. I was thinking of suggesting that myself. We decided to go and see Sky High. It was definitely aimed at young people but we had fun with it too. Then we went out for sushi at the Frying Fish and we had our favorites, black dragon roll, rainbow roll, and some philly roll. Yum! I was going to order the saké as well but Faol suggested we go buy a bottle and have it when we went home. So we did. We also picked up a bottle of the Takara plum that I enjoy so much.

Back home I put my clothes in the dryer and he warmed up the saké. We watched tv, talked, snacked, and generally frittered away the rest of the evening. He went down and got my clothes out of the dryer for me since I was not so sure that I wanted to navigate the basement steps right then. He handed me the melatonin and insisted that I was going to sleep tonight. And I actually went to be about 11:30 with a blindfold next to the bed to put on towards morning when the light started to be a problem.