Differences
Monday August 8, 2005
Faol woke up about 3:30 am as he often does and got up to use the computer. He fell back asleep on the sofa and came to bed again early in the morning, which woke me up. I got a little more sleep after that but was essentially awake. I do think I might have gotten 7 hours though so that is good. That is the second time now in 5 nights that I got enough sleep. Anyway I am feeling kind of down today and looking forward to Faol going to work and my getting back into the routine, of exercise, meditation, work. Tomorrow is a Sweetwood BoD meeting so I would like to finish bringing up to date the finances and getting the report ready and emailed to the board members. Plus I want to start on Faol’s receipts, which I haven’t done yet. Of course there are other things I would like to get done as well but I suspect I will be lucky to get that much going.
Before Faol left we had some intense sex followed by a shower. He got out before I did and then told me he wanted to call Tracy, his new interest. I was still in the glow and he is already on to the next woman. It wasn’t a good feeling. We ended up discussing it a bit, which made him a little late in leaving for work. He told me he wants to meet her for lunch on Monday or Tuesday. It isn’t about his having another relationship, for me. It is about the timing of it, the feeling that he can’t even attend to me when he is with me. He tells me the sex is good but is already to work on courting another woman before I am out of the shower. Sigh… It seems to me that the basic problem really is that I look at him as a primary partner, which means one thing to me and I guess something else to him. It isn’t that he is bad or wrong for being who he is. It is that we are different enough that I am getting my heart hurt by his behavior on a regular basis. I have to do something about the way I feel.
After he left I called Tom and talked for over an hour, then worked on the
Sweetwood finances, and finally organized Faol’s receipts so that I
can start entering them tomorrow. I made a yam, apple, raisin, and maple syrup
dish for us to have as a snack/dessert tonight. I am feeling a little worn
out though so am watching tv and working on my journal and doing email. I
still need to do the exercycle and meditate if I can.
Copyright © 2005 Kyril Oakwind