Kyril's Journal -- August 29, 2005

Free?

Monday August 29, 2005

I woke up in the night with a headache and shoulder pain, which seems related to neck position because when I sat up perfectly straight it decreased significantly but I couldn’t find any position lying down that mimicked that. Tom brought me ibuprofen and set up pillows so I could sleep sitting up. I am depressed about my physical condition.

I spent most of the day on the computer as I tend to do when I am not feeling well or energetic, or motivated. Doing email I came across a website on creativity aimed at women Sister I. It has daily exercises for journaling and creativity. I might do them.

First is the silent word. A word to meditate on, to think on during the day, perhaps to use to create a space for creativity or to use in a creative project. Today’s word is free. I notice that my first response is an opening, a longing, a sense of reaching for uncluttered, unscheduled, non-responsible space and time. Then I realize that another meaning relates to material objects being free or not paid for and I find it interesting that it was not the first or even second thing on my mind about the word free. After thinking about it for a bit I returned to the web site for their “words for thought".

“Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose.” C. Wright Mills

This led to an interesting discussion with Tom about worth, getting paid, valuing people for what they do for you, etc. We both agree that we have it way better than many people but we still don’t feel a sense of freedom in our lives. We feel bound by obligations, the circumstances or our lives, and our own limitations/beliefs.

I am enjoying the website and will be adding it to my favorites for creative inspiration.

We went for a walk after lunch. It was the first time in several weeks and it was harder again but it was great.

Afterward we made a quick food shopping list and dashed out. I drove our new car. The ride isn’t very smooth more like a truck than a car but I like being higher up and the driver’s seat moves up and down, back and forth, and tilts forward slightly or back, and, of course, the backrest angle is also adjustable. The side mirrors are also fully adjustable from inside the car. Yay! After putting away the food we went back out and Tom took some pictures of the car with me in it to share with my family. Then I started dinner while Tom checked out the spare tire, making sure it had enough air, and taking it off and putting it back on the rear mount, and lubricating the padlock that keeps it there.

Faol called using Joyful’s cell phone since he had not yet gotten home from his weekend and was not going to be home, most likely, till after I go to bed. He had said he would call me when he got home so wanted a chance to be in touch. It was very sweet.