Lost and Found Again
November 1, 2005
From my LJ -- Splendiforous Samhain to you all!
On Sunday Faol said something to me that was very hurtful -- not going into what. But I chewed on it all evening, crying when I thought of it. We talked yesterday morning and I told him how I felt. It was a difficult discussion and he went where he tends to go now, to the place of since he treats me so badly he must be bad for me and he should let me go to protect me. He doesn't actually ever say that is what is going to really happen only that he feels that way. But he also apologized. We were not in good moods when we ended the call though. He said he would try and call later because he didn't like us being in that place on Samhain.
I used a marker to draw the face on the pumpkin and Tom carved it for me (wrists just not up to it yet). It turned out well with horns carved out then stuck up with a little toothpicking to keep them erect and ears cut out and sticking out on the sides :) We went shopping because I decided I would make the traditional pork and apple pie even if we weren't having a group ritual. So dinner was that with spiced pumpkin as a side dish. We made up a plate for the ancestors and one for the Good Folk, giving them the first of each dish.
Later in the evening I prepared a tray with whiskey for the Good Folk and milk for the Ancestors, their plates of food, and a candle to leave burning, set up the jack o lantern in the entry way to the house then headed out to the circle area around our namesake tree. I don't know what happened but I got lost. It was very dark but I know I turned right. But I could not find the tree for some time. Finally I took the candle in the jar and squatted down turning the candle to shine just on the ground but it still took me a long time to figure out where I was. I was determined not to return to the house and get a flashlight. Without a moon it was very dark. I guess the Good Folk were having fun because I was turned around and heading into the woods towards the stone circle which is to the left of the house. Finally the map of my world shifted and I knew where I was. I turned 180 degrees around and went out to the tree. My ritual was brief but heartfelt and emotionally intense.
So I lost my way and found it again. I hope that bodes well for the New Year.
Copyright © 2005 Kyril Oakwind