Today is my parent's 50th anniversary. Now-a-days, that is quite an accomplishment. Somewhere I read that having parents who have remained married is a good indication that you will also, but then where do all the divorced couples come from? Tom and I will have been married for 30 years September 12th, a long time for any.
Last night we went to the first meeting of the Wisdom Council Grok Focus Group. It was very interesting. We had a small group, which is a good thing for this type of group. It is a highly structured meditational method of developing insight into topics. The basic idea is to spend about a minute of inner silence, then time contemplating and gathering thoughts, then one person articulates their thoughts. The cycle is repeated with the next person articulating. This continues until everyone has had an opportunity to speak two or three times. At first it wasn't hard to do the inner silence but as the process went on I found it harder and harder to separate contemplation from inner silence. I could focus on the speaker and not respond internally (well not much:) but as soon as we went back to the inner silence period my thoughts would take off. I suspect it takes a lot of practice.
The topic we decided on, as a first one, was the topic of having fun. We wanted something light-hearted to begin with. Some of the thoughts expressed related to the ideas that it was hard to actually define "fun". Did enjoyment, pleasure, quiet or serene periods of satisfaction, count as fun? One person suggested fun was enjoyment with fizzy bubbles. Other ideas were that fun seemed more connected to experiences involved with others. We spoke of needing to have a lack of responsibility to let go enough to have fun - so going to other people's festivals or events, for example, is fun because there is no weight of responsibility. We also talked about feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and the contradictions in both needing to know people to be comfortable but then having more to lose by letting loose with them. Someone suggested that could be an aspect of tribe, where there is a certain level of comfort and trust, but it is also more distant than immediate family and many of the people are ones seen only a few times a year. Taking a risk by showing other facets then, may not seem to have the same consequences and so allow the sillier side out.
So while the topic was light-hearted the thoughts were more serious. Perhaps the most interesting part of it was the insight gained into the others in the group. Afterwards we decided to go out for a smoothie but when we got to the place it had just closed. One of the participants, Richard, offered us his house and ice cream:) We accepted and put together ice cream drinks with raspberry and lemonade concentrate with fizzy water, or rootbeer floats. We stood in the kitchen and talked and laughed. We had fun.
Copyright © 2000 Kyril Oakwind