This week has been strange. I have managed to do some exercises every day, and to meditate but I have had things to do in town several days and have felt pretty stressed every day. I think I have been so stressed for the last several months of the semester that I am continuing to get a stress response to other things that are not that stressful. I don't like it.
Monday we got 9 inches of snow and Tom went out to plow but got really cold from plowing. Luckily the wind chill wasn't so bad and he got warmed up in the hot tub. Last week he plowed, got really chilled, then huddled under a blanket, a sleeping bag, and kept a knit cap on but didn't start to warm up for at least two hours. I was a little worried about him that day.
Wednesday we went in to Madison to visit with our nest mates, Dick and Julie. Our snowbirds flew in for their Drs.' Appointments so we were able to see them in the middle of winter. They usually leave in late fall and we don't see them til late spring. The roads were still somewhat snow covered and it began to snow again while we were driving. So I got stressed while driving in - Tom drove home though so that was not so stressful for me. It was very good to see them and catch up. They couldn't attend our nest Yule, though, as their daughter was getting handfasted the same weekend. Ah well. Due to some health issues they may be returning here for a couple of the winter months. While it will be good to see them I would rather they were both healthy.
Thursday, I finally took my son in to Yule-shop for his father and we finished up some last minute gifts for others on my list. I am so glad that it is done but it would have been nice to get it all done last month. I keep saying that next year it will get done earlier but we never seem to manage it. Still next year is another year...
Today is the first day since school ended that I actually felt reasonably good when I woke up. My mood has remained good throughout the morning, so far, and I actually got something accomplished. I found the transcript info for the various colleges I have attended (3) and sent off for transcripts for my grad application. Yesterday I even scheduled my GREs. And the day before that dropped off the necessary forms to get a recommendation from one of my professors.
I have been obtaining an I-ching hexagram after meditating each day. My thought was to have something to contemplate through out the day, letting my mind return to it periodically as I went about my day. Wednesday, when we saw our nestmates, I drew PI or Union. Thursday, I drew Chen, the Arousing/Shock or thunder. It was cold enough to be quite a shock cleaning the snow off the car and my only option was to withdraw for a time (retreat into the house to warm up while the car warmed up).
And today I drew Chien, Development/Gradual Progress. It seemed particularly appropo as I had been noticing while making my morning attempt at meditating that I was actually making progress. I had begun my renewed efforts to meditate by spending the entire meditation thinking about all the things I needed to be doing, chores, etc. instead of paying attention to my breathing. Then I spent the first few minutes doing that, then moved to thinking about future things I wanted to do (while this may not seem like much progress I consider it so because it is removed from the daily busyness and more like wishful thinking or fantasy since it is situated next summer, etc.) for the rest of the meditation period. And now today, I did both of the above but for shorter times, then moved to thinking about how much I enjoy just sitting and paying attention to my breath as it slows and I relax, how pleasurable the sensation is. I realize that this is still thinking but it does have the effect of bringing my attention back to my breathing.
The hexagram speaks of slow gradual progress and the perseverance necessary to keep gradual progress from dwindling into nothing. So I took that as a sign that the universe agrees with me that I am progressing in my meditation attempts, although slowly, and a reminder to keep persevering at the attempt to actually attend to my breathing and let the thoughts drift on by without my giving them attention.
Copyright © 2000 Kyril Oakwind