I'm back from the Hedonism trip and much more tired than I expected to be. I swear I just don't have the stamina for these long drives there and back over a weekend, any more. Luckily I don't have class till tomorrow so I have today to rest.
We left about 1:00 pm and headed for OH. We missed the worst part of Chicago rush hour but the traffic was heavy enough anyway. Jack and I spent the entire time catching up, discussing school, psychology, handling interpersonal issues with others, CAW and what we would like to see, etc. What a great time! We stopped about 10:00 on the other side of Indianapolis and stayed in a motel and slept. The next day Jack helped me finish an assignment for class - I had to do an intake interview with someone and then write up a 6-12 page paper. We had already done part of the interview but didn't have time to finish so we spent some time in the morning, before we got going again, getting it done. The paper is due this Thursday but this would probably be the last time before then that we could get together.
Before we arrived at the site we stopped at a store to purchase lunch fixings for 30 as Jack and Kris had volunteered to provide that. Since Kris couldn't come I chipped in on the food. At the event people could sign up for cleaning up after a meal or to provide food (with others) for a meal. Not having a lot of spare money (especially right now that we bought a hot tub - yayayyay!) I signed up for the cleaning crew. While we were shopping we ran into other participants who were also on the Internest. It was really nice to see them again. One of them had scared us with a burst appendix and it was really good to see that he was well.
Hedonism was a little odd for me. It's intended as an erotic, invitation-only, party. But my moon time started the day before we left and I was just not feeling erotic. With peri-menopause I have found that I don't feel the way I used to at these times, and I am more introverted through it. It was great to see people I haven't seen for sometime, like a friend who moved. (I actually have seen her about as much as I ever did in person but since she moved she hasn't had the same kind of computer access and I was used to "seeing" her pretty frequently to talk with, at least briefly, in the mornings before she went to work and I went to school.) We had an opportunity to do a little cuddling and that was really great. I also got to cuddle with a lovely medical person:) But for the most part I really didn't touch or get touched as much as I had thought I would. Again, I was feeling pretty introverted.
I enjoyed getting to see another nestie from the Internest again. We connected some over a work shift at Grow Closer so it was very nice to see him again so soon (relatively speaking:) In fact I got to see a lot of folks that I know somewhat and that was good but I didn't feel that I connected in an intimate way. I had a sense of being somewhat an outsider - this was my first time at this event and a number of people have been there several times so have that insider feel that seems to be inevitable when people go to the same events over and over; it seemed to me that quite a few of those present were from OH, or connected to the OH groups so had a history with each other that I didn't share (in no way did I feel that they were excluding me though. Everyone was very nice.); and somehow perhaps because I am older than many of them, or perhaps just the usual personality differences I didn't feel that I particularly clicked with anyone on a level that encouraged more intimacy.
One especially nice treat was that I got to meet someone I have known online for something like 5 years but never met face-to-face. She is as personable and articulate in person as online but the physical impact is remarkable. She is quite a lovely woman with one sexy back. Wow! We had some time to talk about CAW and connecting into it, mentoring (which is something I am hoping to look into as a clergy project), etc. I enjoyed every minute of it and would love to be able to have such conversations with her again. Her partner is also a lovely woman with a radiant smile. I had the pleasure of meeting her before at Grow Closer, though this was the first time I had the opportunity to spend some time talking with her.
I met another person for the first time face-to-face who is on the Internest and very involved in CAWmunity at Starwood. I spent quite a bit of time talking with him and thoroughly enjoyed it.
So the whole experience was kind of strange. It wasn't what I expected and it wasn't erotic for me but I enjoyed the conversations and opportunity to connect with people, to meet new people, to reconnect with those I already know, to have a sense of being in tribal space again.
Copyright © 2000 Kyril Oakwind