I slept well. It was warm all night but not too hot to sleep. I woke up about 4:30 am though and could not go back to sleep. I though about F. and began to fantasize about him. It was a pleasant way to spend the next several hours. I miss him more here than at home. Most likely because it was the last time I camped that we met. I feel more out of touch with him. It's hard enough normally. When Tom and I were dating we didn't have as much contact between dates as F. and I have. When I was getting together with Jack we didn't have this much contact. It's just very intense with F. and he seems to like having as much contact as I do. That's a very rare thing in my experience and a great joy to me.
If our relationship doesn't survive and grow it will have been a true gift for what it has already been. And I will not regret one moment of it despite the grief that will surely occur if it does end. But if we can keep and express even a small part of the potential then I believe we could have something really incredible for a very long time. Long distance is very difficult though. It is hard to maintain enough contact to feed such relationships. I wonder if I can see if he ever uses a chat program.
The sun is up now and it is getting hot. It is about 8:00 am. I went on up to registration and sat talking with the others. It began to rain slightly and we moved into the long hall. I sat there and talked with Sonny and Debra for a long time. We talked about poly and Sonny regaled us with stories of his various life experiences. He is a tall, over 6 ft., balding, bearded, man who seems to generally wear overalls, and has a lot of tattoos. He strikes me as kind of a red-neck biker type except for being Pagan, poly, and in a group marriage :) He is a charming man though and I enjoyed talking with him and connecting with him. Steve practiced his music. It was nice to sit and hear it. And the guests were given a CD of it when we registered. I was delighted to get it. I spent time with Kris there too. We only live 2 hours away but we don't seem to get the time to spend with each other. I am thinking it would be a good idea if I could find a way to visit her more. When I registered I got my check back and an honorarium as a guest. I was surprised to see how much it was. It will pay for part of a ticket to LA.
I tried to call F. but he didn't answer so I left a message. Then I called back just to hear his voice on the answering machine again. Sigh… I clearly have it bad as several people pointed out. They thought it was pretty funny that I would call him back just to hear his voice on the answering machine but he has a lovely voice.
The day got hotter and steadily through the day I developed a headache. I was on my way to lie down when I realized I didn't have any caffeine today. I went back and talked to Alyse. She had a diet coke I could have. I took it back to my tent, got Ibuprofen and tried to sleep. I drifted in and out of sleep and pain, in the heat. Finally it began to ease off and I got up and went to see if dinner was ready. It was grilled salmon. Hmmm, yummy. After dinner I "mingled". I spent time with some Internesters, and with Jim and Candy. Then I went to the opening Bardic circle, which was a song circle. It was fun. I called again later hoping to catch him but still didn't manage it so will call him tomorrow.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind