Today I wrote to F. about some insecurities and concerns I have with the status of our relationship. I emailed him because I didn't have the nerve to call him directly and talk to him about it. His email isn't working right now either so I don't know when he will actually read it. This is leaving me somewhat tense since I never know when he will call and have read it. He is likely to call and not have read it. And I being somewhat cowardly probably won't bring it up. I am not happy about my difficulty with confrontation. It may not turn out to be a confrontation - I don't know what it will be. He certainly deserves more courtesy but I hope that he will understand my fears and forgive me.
Yesterday my nest got together to talk about where we are going, and what people want to do about my focus being somewhere else, and my missing a lot of nest meetings. It seems that people are going to be ok with it and continue working with the nest, which makes me happy. I don't want to abandon my nest but I can't promise that my focus will be there either. My attention and energy has been going on my new relationship and on the transitions in my marriage because of it. I don't know how long that will be taking a large part of my energy. Two of my nestmates decided to take on the Madison area Pagan Tea & Talk. I am very relieved to pass that on. I have missed quite a few of them this year with festival hopping in the summer and traveling to CA this fall. This way I know that it is in good hands and will continue to benefit the community. It sounds like they have some interesting ideas and innovations in store for it. I think this will be a good infusion of new energy.
We set our Yule ritual for the 15th as Tom and I will be at Fireheart for Yule. He has agreed to go and meet F. and the other members of our extended family. I hope that he is ok with them when he meets them. Later, probably after Christmas F., R., and perhaps M. are coming here to visit for two days. That will give Tom a couple of occasions to see them and get to know them a bit. Unfortunately it can take Tom years of seeing people regularly to get to know them.
Tomorrow is Tom's first day onsite. He is not looking forward to it.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind