Tom had his meeting in town and called to let me know that they had work for him for the day so he wouldn't be home early. Apparently they do have some tiny projects that he can do but it might only amount to a day here and a day there. With luck though he will be able to do it from home and I will have the car again. We still have some Yule shopping to do.
I didn't get as much done today as I would have liked. Our phone line is out again on our computer line. I called Tom at work but he was away from his desk so I couldn't ask him where the phone splitter was. When I couldn't get him I went and looked through all the drawers in the utility room for it and of course, it was in the last one that I looked in, which was also the last of the drawers. I still had to reach Tom though because I wasn't sure what got plugged in where. The phone plug was behind the computer and just out of my reach so I ended up kind of climbing back over the bookshelf and reaching down half wedged behind the computer to finally achieve it. Since our voice line worked to connect us to the internet it has to be the phone company's part of the line and not our modem, computer, or internal lines. After determining that I called the phone company and they said they would get it done by 6 pm tomorrow. Sigh… So I have been connecting for short periods of time, downloading email and getting off again.
I am still doing some of the Flylady routines everyday so I am keeping my kitchen sink and bathroom sink, and toilet clean by giving them once-overs every day. It only takes me about 10-15 min. a day and it is nice to have something clean all the time. Then I have been trying to do some other little projects plus the "missions" that they send out by email every day. So today was clean the stovetop. They say only spend 15 min. doing it and move on but if I did that I wouldn't get anything done at all. I just can't do things that fast. And I try and do little things that I want to get done as well. So today I washed some fabric that I had packed away in the closet so that I can pack it in plastic to protect it and take it out to the storage room in the barn, thereby getting it out of here. And I wrapped a couple Yule presents.
When I think about it, it doesn't seem like I am getting much done but the Flylady approach is to spend a little time every day and eventually it will add up. Last week I got rid of a couple of bags of clothes to Goodwill, and a couple of boxes of romance books to the furnace, and we took a couple of boxes out to the barn. So there is a little space in the bedroom that wasn't there before and things look a little better. This week I am still working on a few items that I took out of the hall closet when I cleaned it out but I should have that all taken care of in another day or so. I am hopeful that if I can keep up doing some clutter removal every week that I am here, it will eventually make a significant difference. There is so much that I feel needs to get done that if I thought about how far I have to go it would be too overwhelming to continue.
I am glad that the cleaning and stuff is getting done but on the other hand it feels like make-work. What is important to me are longer-term goals and right now there doesn't seem to be any definite ones for me. I know that I want to be involved in extended family and I think that this group of 5 people could be one but there doesn't seem to be anything that I could do to actually move in that direction at this time. Working on my relationship with F., going to visit him for long periods of time to establish more of a living-with kind of energy is in a sense working on developing extended family. And I am also emailing M. regularly and I feel like that maintains and continues to develop our relationship. It is harder with the other two people as we have less contact but this next visit with F. I should be overlapping with R. and have more time to work on our relationship as well. Making these ties and letting our friendships develop is moving toward my goal but I wish that there were something more concrete I could be doing. There isn't really any kind of plan, or steps to take, or anything definite. It is all just nebulous dreams at this point. And that is what makes it hard for me. There isn't anything I can do to work towards it. However, I am reluctant to make plans for other things that might take me in a different direction or interfere in some way with getting the reality of extended family with this group of people. So where do I go from here?
I am talking about developing my astrology business but haven't actually done much about it, perhaps because I have tried to do it once before and it was not at all successful. I guess, I find it hard to believe that it would be successful this time but I can't think of any other way to make some money that doesn't require me to have a regular job in town. This seems to me to be a time in my life when I feel as if I am in transition but have no clue as to what I am transitioning to. I feel like changes are on the horizon, somehow, but not ones that I can see to move forward to.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind