I thought the ritual went very well. There was a lot of good feedback. At various times people told me they thought it was intimate, sweet, powerful, dynamic, good energy, tension/conflict releasing, etc. It felt good to me that so many had good responses to it. It was intended as a kind of intimate ritual of connection to move us into visioning our church again and reconnecting with the kinds of things that brought us to the church. I hoped to move our energy away from some of the conflict anyway and to a space where we could remember our Waterkin and transformational magick and in that I think the ritual succeeded.
Ronn and DJ invoked the God and Goddess both without and within and helped us to refocus on our own divinity. During the magickal working I moved into the center of the circle and danced around the firepit. Phoenix joined me, then DJ, then Amy. I had actually expected that more would dance with us but somehow it was just the 4 of us and it turned out to be the right thing. It felt to me like we wove the energies that others directed by their attention, that we created a kind of cone within a cone that was quite powerful for those of us in the center, I think. The drummers speeded up and controlled the pace by a give and take with the dancers. When it was ready they signaled the release and the cone shot off.
Afterward Jack led the watersharing. Aeona suggested that we sing the Water Shared is Life Shared song so we did. But apparently there are some in jokes about it in one of the nests so it caused some change in the energy for them. Ronn, Steve, and Elle were being silly with the song in a way that brought laughter to many in a good way, yet felt disrespectful to some others. It is very difficult to strike the right note for everyone.
Today I spoke with one of the clergy who critiqued my performance as a priestess. I feel very dispirited by this. It didn't bother me that she said I need to project more - I do sometimes have a problem with that. But she also said that I should be more dynamic, get out and move around, that a priestess needs to spread her arms around the circle and hold it protectively in a figurative sense. It seems to me that she just doesn't like my style of priestessing, which is quite different from hers. I think I have a quieter more intimate style and I like that besides which this specific ritual was designed to have that feel. I don't feel though that I will ever be able to please her. She wants me to priestess in her style, is what I get from her, the style that she identifies as CAW but I don't want to be a priestess in that way. And I don't believe that a Church of All Worlds should have just one way to work, anyway. I am trying to let it go, to recognize that the approval and support I once hoped for, is just not going to happen with her. I have to let it go, accept her for who she is and just be who I am, and who I choose to be.
It's time for the cattle call or registration. Luckily for those here for Sirius Rising there is registration down at the main pavillion and we don't have to walk all the way up to the entrance. It didn't take too long and many of the CAW folks were in line together so we talked and generally entertained ourselves. I signed up for a work shift at first aid because it wouldn't involve a lot of physical labor. My wrists and knees are just not up to it much anymore though to my surprise they really held up well so far, allowing me to dance quite a bit. I took a work shift from 7 am to 9 am in which I figured the night people would have settled down and the day people wouldn't be really active yet so probably not many emergencies.
I am perking up now. I've gotten a lot of strokes about the ritual and good feedback about the acceptability of being different than others here. And Phoenix finished the heart soul verse. I like it. This song is turning out to be quite good.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind