I left him in the van to sleep later and went off to breakfast before more workshops. I went to the 'Landscaping for Nature Spirits" one in the Nemeton. It was interesting. She spoke of making plantings which would provide cover for animals and how that works for the nature spirits too. Density at differing heights was good. Ferns and various herbs attract them. Fruit trees and flowering bushes as well. I realized that because we live in a forest that already encourages their presence it might take a lot less effort to achieve something. She had various herbs with her that she passed around for us to smell. That was nice. I would have liked a slightly more magickal focus I think but it was interesting nonetheless.
Isaac Bonewits workshop on "Polytheology" immediately followed that one. Isaac is of course, always a good speaker, knowledgeable and humorous. But it amazes me how many people seem to hang on his words. I guess it is that Big Name Pagan thing. He said that he was publishing e-books through Amazon.com now and found them easier to do. I will have to go and check it out sometime.
After lunch was the Clergy Confab with Jack, Ronn, Jim, and Aeona. Oberon showed up too and said since he was retired he would just sit on the audience side. But the other clergy fielded some of the questions to him anyway as the Founder and person there with the most experience of the vision. I thought it went reasonably well although there was only a handful of people there not already involved with CAW.
I went to the "Dance of Life" workshop with Don Waterhawk after that but it began to pour. I knew my tent was open but figured it would probably already be too wet to make a difference by the time I could get back there so I didn't bother. We waited for almost half an hour for people to get there who he knew was coming, or who had run off to check their tent, and for it to settle down because it would be difficult to hear over the sound on the canopy roof. He didn't want to yell. He told us a little about it then gave up and said he would reschedule, probably at lunch the next day, to check at his booth. Some CAW folks had gone to that one too and I walked back with the lovely Thekla (the h is silent, I discovered). Well actually ended up running back. At first she offered to share her umbrella but that way we both just ended up getting half wet. So I just went ahead without it and of course, got totally soaked.
Back at CAWmunity, I joined a number of others standing around the fire under the huge tarp canopy. Gradually I began to warm up and to dry. Maryanne went around pushing up the tarp with a stick to dump the collecting water off. Tina decided to take a shower by soaping up and following her around to get dumped on and rinse off. I wanted to go to the Shaman workshop, part 2 but didn't feel like going back out. I was hoping it would end up being cancelled. The rain stopped though.
Later that night I danced around the fire. Jack came and danced too. It was really nice. Then we went off to his tent for a sweet tryst. We talked and caught up, talked about what was going on with me, and my postulancy, made love, and talked some more. Kim was off drumming but came back for something and took off again. I got up and went out to dance around the fire a bit more.
One of the things that I noticed was that my lover of the night before was as distant with me this time after we had sex as he had been 5 years before. It is quite clear to me that the message is that I am ok to have sex with but there is no relationship at all. I am really torn by this. I like the sex but it seems to me I am worth more than that. There are quite a few people who would be happy to have sex with me and enjoy being my friend too. Someone suggested to me that he has some approach/avoidance stuff going on but on reflection I don't really think so. I think he gets what he wants to out of it which is just the sex and then moves on to the people that he finds more interesting, generally ones he hasn't slept with, I think. That is really too bad. I haven't made up my mind yet whether I would sleep with him again. I like the sex and had a good time but he doesn't touch my heart nor I his.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind