I am feeling very odd today. My energies are so low that I am depressed. I don't think it is the other way around, depressed so low energy. I also took an antihistmine and sometimes that makes me groggy enough to be almost non-functional and affects my thinking processes. I was up late (for me) last night talking to a friend so am more tired today from that as well. Tom and I woke up early to have time to make love before people come for the healing group and ritual but if I don't perk up I really can't see how I will manage it though I am equally sure that I will actually manage.
We had a Pagan Pride organizational meeting and everyone was feeling kind of down about the process. Madison is a hot bed of Paganism yet is so fractured that it is hard to pull things together and people seem to like it that way. I think I am worn out with trying to pull it together. I am finding myself wavering on the cusp of a kind of public withdrawal. If I could find someone who I felt would keep the Pagan Tea & Talk going with its open focus not oriented toward any particular group or tradition I would hand it off in a minute, at least I think that I would.
I have been thinking about going ahead and doing a long distance online Master's program. It is still hard for me to make up my mind about it though. I see the obstacles to completing it and I am not sure that I have the energy and focus anymore to achieve it. But the ability to counsel one-on-one and get paid for it is still appealing. It is something I could eventually do, perhaps part-time but still bring in decent money. And I find that I want to have the money to allow me to travel to visit people that I care about but who live nowhere near me. So what do I do? I continue to sit on this cusp. God, I am tired…
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind