I dreamed a lot and stayed in bed late because I wanted to dream more. I dreamed that Jack picked me up from somewhere (after my vision quest.) When I got in the car it turned out to be in the back seat behind the driver. (Yeah I know that could be a comment on my back seat driving:) He started driving and the car door was open. I was afraid I was going to fall out (it actually happened one time that Jack started driving forward before I was fully in the car while in the back seat but I didn't get hurt and he stopped almost immediately). (The car opened in the reverse direction than usual so driving kept it open instead of closing it.)
When I told him to pull over so I could close the door at a wide shoulder near an exit he went faster instead and I was more afraid. He found a place that seemed to be a parking lot by an airport. Kim was there and I told her Jack had sped up and not pulled off where I wanted. She said, "oh, it's illegal to park there. That's why?"
This dream had several sections but I don't remember any more how they were connected though I feel it was all one flow.
I was at a place on the street, maybe near a bus top. There was a machine that was called a Tov with 2 characters that looked like Hebrew from the Tree of Life. I didn't want to play because one set was dark and the other light and I knew they were linked. A man came up and wanted me to play the game and I was afraid of him so I ran from him. Only we weren't on the street any more but in a lower level. Somehow he had taken me there. I couldn't remember how to get out. I saw a man and told him I wanted out and he told me he couldn't talk fast enough to give me all the directions. I had trouble understanding him. He sounded like he had been deaf all his life. He told me anyway. I got a little of it and headed in the right direction. There were several people operating heavy machinery. I asked how to get out. A man took off an earplug that included a flap that covered the ear opening. He told me how. On the way out (I think it was then) I found a shoe in the mud, a little misshapen. I recognized it to be mine. When I look down to compare it I see that I only have one shoe on my right foot and it matches, except for being in better condition.
The transition is missing, or never happened. I don't remember any more. I am outside sitting on a straight-backed chair flying. This attracts notice and people mostly men are trying to pull me down because they want my chair so they can fly. When they grab it I can't fly any higher. It won't take the weight. A very large man (fat) says "will it carry double", and pulls it down. I get off and make a gesture at the chair and now it won't fly at all. While they are trying to make it work I go get another chair, bespell it, and start off again. But the wires (electric or phone) are in the way, and I am not climbing fast enough. Someone pushes up the wires even higher to block me as I rise but I make it over the wires. I don't remember if anything happened after that but when I woke up I thought flying by the seat of my pants.
It was light out clearly morning but I wanted to dream more. I like to drift off into dreaming again when I can but I usually wake up all ready thinking about what I have to do for the day and usually well before my alarm. Nowadays my dreams fade away at the onslaught of lists of tasks, and plans. This has been very nice to drift and dream and immerse myself in subconscious/unconscious material.
I went back to sleep and dreamed another long complicated dream with differing sections but I only remember bits and pieces. Something about having a tent set up (looked like an unused landing field). And a really big storm was coming so I went home for the night but left the tent set up. When I got back the next day to finish my vision quest Kim had it all packed into her car and was ready to drive away. She said something about, "You left. I thought you were done." She drove off.
I was a woman sitting at a bus stop and a bus came right up to her legs. A man had jumped forward to protect her and ended up on her lap when the bus hit. It backed away and he got up and walked off limping with a huge grin on his face.
There was a part where I was laying down kissing a man and wanted to make love with him but told him we shouldn't because my sister was interested in him. Then there was a part where I was in the bathroom and was called out because they (people I was with) found an open purse and some clothes lying in the hall and we though someone had been attacked. But it turned out to be a woman in one of the rooms. Her physician, a woman, was with her. She was very heavy and had diabetes. She had become ill. I saw that one arm was amputated above her elbow, her right one, and she had two artificial feet. I offered to help and the Dr. was skeptical about my really helping. But she told me to hold the woman's hand, then said don't do that, because of the IVs. You can hold her … but whatever she said was something that I couldn't understand, "Nose gantos" ? So I went in and asked the woman if I could do anything for her. She asked me to read to her. As I opened the book I flicked my fingers at her to send her healing energy. She asked about the movement but I told her it was an old habit. I read the first 2 sentences of the romance novel and she said she didn't want to hear that one after all. She seemed better. I woke up.
While I'm not in a hurry to get moving today I am not feeling as tired and draggy as yesterday morning. And it is a beautiful sunny day with a brisk cool breeze. It is really gorgeous out. The birds are singing. The only problem is that this spot seems to get all the machine noises from the roads that are very far away, farm machinery too, though I don't think there is a working farm bordering our land anymore. And the airplanes seem to be going by with amazing frequency. I am in the middle of the forest and there is still machine noise almost constantly!!!
I took my morning walk following a deer trail that headed up into some rock tumbles and cliffs. I figured I had better do it now while I still was able to handle it. My knees were much less stiff and sore getting out of the sleeping bag this morning but only a few minutes of walking and my left knee hurt every time I bent it. It hurts in the back of the knee and the swelling isn't going away by morning. But the pain isn't too bad. I'm sure it will hold out til my vision quest is done. Then I can baby it :)
The rock tumble is so interesting. One section looks like huge slices set on edge with space between. I climbed between them and up by the help of a friendly lichen covered red oak. There was a more or less clear flat area between that set of rocks and the next. I had a sense of calm and incredible peace. I wished that I had brought my camping stool to sit there for a while. The ground looked inviting but I wasn't sure my knee would like getting back up again. Continuing on around the ridge on the slope I worked myself around to the larger cliff face. The wind has carved incredible patterns. Water and winter's cold has cracked pieces open or completely off. Beneath the cliff is soft sand that has been weathered off. The cliff has lichen growing on it and something that looks like gray moss but may be another kind of lichen from its color. I don't really know but it looked like little tufts of hair or miniature bushes. And thick green moss grew in spots as well. Small ferns were rooting in the moss and I spotted a small Virginia creeper vine that had started in the rock, just sprouting there as it wasn't part of another vine. After my vision quest I want to bring Tom up to see it again. It has been several years since we were at that spot. And I want to take some photos too.
It would be nice to bring Jack here too. It's funny for all the years I've known him we really haven't walked my land much together. He's never really here just to hang out but to come for ritual, or a scion meeting, or a SweetWood business meeting, or a work party, always for a focused purpose. It's too bad that he's always busy. But so am I.
Talking with the Cauldron today and the Lady it represents, I decided to come out and do a planting for the 4 directions around an appropriate symbol. I'll have to think about what would be appropriate. The other thing that came out is that no one else gets to enjoy these little places. We do a ritual around the Cauldron at BelSummer but there's only a handful of people here then. Most arrive later in the day on Friday and miss the Cauldron rite and the cave painting meditation. I wish we had other people that we connected with who wanted to be a part of this. Obviously we would have to feel good about having them here. That's been the problem up til now, finding the people that feel right who also wanted it. At one time I thought it might be Jack and Kim but they bought their own land a ways NW of us. They have a land project of their own. I guess if it was meant to happen we would have found the people we clicked with and it would seem right to us all. I would consider donating some of our land to CAW if we had the right people here to care for it. Tom might not feel the same as he is not very involved with the church. He hears about the politics and problems from me but doesn't go to the festivals to connect with the people. It gives him a somewhat skewed view and of course, he prefers the life of a hermit so it would take some very special connection to the people for him to consider it.
I discovered the first tick on my arm. It was so tiny and pale colored I would never have noticed it except for the red irritation around it (must have been attached for some length of time). I couldn't see it with my glasses on well enough to tell it was a tick and not a skin tag. Tom checked my hair for me when he brought the salvia but he never would have noticed something this small and pale unless it had been there long enough for the red spot and maybe not even then. Sigh… If I find many more on me I may have to go to the Dr. for a Lyme's test. Since a rash only forms in about 30% of the cases it's not a very reliable indicator.
I'm in the tent right now as I came here for the tweezers to get the tick out. A raccoon just visited my campsite. It came up, and sniffed the campstool and around where I have been sitting. It looked up at the tent then went on around the fire pit, sniffing as it went, and followed the deer trail away. It makes much less noise than a squirrel. That's the second time I've seen one near here.
I've been feeling a little light-headed this evening and very tired again. My fire singing was short tonight. I'm letting it burn down now and it is quite early yet. It looks like there will be enough wood for a fire tomorrow too.
Today at the Cauldron I was thinking about a program at one of the hospitals. It is primarily aimed at ministers and is a course on ministering to the sick and dying and their family at hospitals. It seems like it would also fit with building a shrine for the unborn and infants. But it costs as much as a year of grad school while probably not leading to a paying position. I feel that if that is the path I should take then the means to do it will have to materialize. Still it wouldn't hurt to look into possible jobs that might be available with that education.
I found another tiny little tick under my breast. I am not happy about it.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind