I had lots of dreams, too many, too complex to record. I dreamed about Larry and Kris but don't remember the details. I think I dreamed a whole movie of love, betrayal, the fall of a city, and living in the chaotic aftermath. It had faithful servants, miraculous saving of life, and a possible happily ever ending. Actually it was a very fun dream but the kind well beyond my skill to analyze. I like the full dramatic scope of them though and in a way they can be addictive. I don't want to get up yet. I want to dream more:) even if it isn't a numinous dream, a vision dream, at least it didn't seem to have the energy and clarity of a vision.
At the Cauldron today, I felt more or less empty. My mind wandered a bit but was often blank. I did think about having flowers for people to give the Hecates. And do I do a formal devoking of the deities before or after the watersharing? I need 3 libation plates and cups so that after the feast the food can be brought back to the Cauldron. And I realized that I was thinking of this ritual as my clergy challenge ritual although I had been making every effort just to think of it as next year's BelSummer rite, and not necessarily a clergy challenge one.
This is one issue, becoming a CAW priestess, that I have gone back and forth on since I became a scion. I had decided not to so went for support track as a 4th and 5th circle scion. It seemed to me I could be of most service helping to support the infra structure through my work on the Nest Coordinating Council, publishing Nest to Nest, and as back up for the RINGs coordinator. But when Maerian was here a couple years ago she convinced me to go for it. LaSara also helped to convince me at the AGM where I first met her. Various issues and political problems have come up since then, which again made me reconsider it. The clergy retreat and questioning was really a good experience and I felt energy shifting so I was confirmed in my decision to go ahead with it. But since then both LaSara and Maerian went on sabbatical and there are issues surrounding Maerian's relationship with the church now. Political issues reared again over Beltane, and Orion was hurt by them. These are all people I have a lot of respect for as well as care for quite a bit. So again my resolve waivered. I continue moving toward priesthood but always with questions and concerns. Yet here I am being gifted with ideas for a clergy challenge ritual.
Sitting here I looked up and there was a fawn wandering down to my campsite. I am in the tent so not noticeable. It sniffed around and then looked into the tent but I held still. It ambled away and then ambled past again but I am a little uneasy. Where is its mother? When we first moved here a doe charged me after I got too close to her fawn. I wasn't hurt but it certainly scared us both. LOL It really amazed me though that the raccoon and fawn came so close. It must reek of human, no shower for 6 days and lots of insect repellent. You would think they would have no part of it. (As I type this in I realize that the fawn coming to my campsite while I was thinking and writing about continuing to move toward being a priestess and being gifted with a ritual might have a message for me or at least I can find one in it. Perhaps the suggestion is to approach it with cautious and innocent optimism. It seems to me that is the approach of the fawn, carefully sniffing things out and alert for danger, yet young and curious, not letting fear or worries stop it from exploring but doing so with care.)
It's a little odd, or at least interesting, that the raccoon came by twice, the Scarlet Tanager came by twice and I've seen the fawn twice. The adult deer only came by once though unless you count the many snorting ones that I never saw. Now I wish I'd brought a camera although at the time it didn't seem appropriate for a vision quest.
Sigh… Another tiny tick attached. At least it didn't seem to leave its mouth parts, not that I can really tell at that size. I feel like I need trifocals now It's gotten so hot today. I'm mostly naked but covered in sweat. Whether it's really hotter today or not I can't tell but there is only a light breeze and I am feeling very light headed. Someone is building something. There is a hammering noise. It doesn't sound anything like woodpeckers. I don't feel well. I have a headache now.
I may survive after all. It has cooled down a little. But now at this late date I realize that I haven't had any salt in 5 days and didn't bring any. I meant to bring a couple of V-8 equivalents because they are high in sodium but I forgot. I hope tomorrow is not as hot. It will be my last day and right now I just want it to be over.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind