Today was primarily a day of recovering. Tina took the car in to be repaired in the morning. When she came back we sat around. Everyone seemed kind of down. There was a feeling of heaviness. I felt inexplicably sad and went into the kitchen so they wouldn't see me cry. I didn't want to disturb them or create a situation where they felt they had to comfort me. When I got it under control I went back but it started up again so I went upstairs. I calmed down and came back but it started again. I just couldn't shake it. I went into a room upstairs again. Orion came up. He startled me as I didn't hear him coming so didn't have time to compose myself. He asked what was wrong and then held me while I cried. He was very comforting.
Perhaps it was a kind of response to everything surrounding Walspurgisnacht and the ritual itself with LaSara's Waterly grief over the conflicts and absence of old friends in the tribe, or awareness of the deep painful conflicts those I care about had been experiencing that triggered my own grief about the breakup with old friends and coven mates I had experienced 10 years ago. Whatever it was the residue of grief had welled up again and seemed intertwined with current matters.
At some point Orion called around for airport shuttles but they were too expensive for me. And Tina called for cabs but they were pretty expensive too. They were both sweet to take care of me. Orion talked to Meliny and she said that she might be able to borrow a vehicle that Orion could use to get me to the airport. So we waited to hear back from her.
Orion and I watched a StarTrek movie, Wrath of Khan. That was fun and also showed me something about him. He is quite observant. I will have to remember that in the future. The volume was quite low for me but ok as long as there wasn't any other noise at the same time so when Tina was doing stuff in the kitchen I couldn't hear the dialogue very well. I sat forward to make it easier to hear and Orion got up to turn the volume up for me. A small thing but in my experience few are that aware of conditions for others or so willing to respond to it. I probably should have said something or adjusted it for myself, I suppose, but I am more inclined to accept conditions the way they are and do what I can to adapt rather than alter conditions to suit myself. There are both advantages and disadvantages to such an attitude. It tends to make me more passive, even at times when I probably shouldn't be but it also really does make me more flexible and adaptable when getting along with others.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind