Tom and I had a fight this morning. I was concerned about his getting so out of breath during activity. And was suggesting that he could have heart problems since his father had them. I wanted him to get a check-up and to exercise. He just kept saying we couldn't afford it. To me, we couldn't afford to have him with a heart attack or something else serious and in the hospital but if we knew something was developing we might be able to head it off. And then we fell into one of the more destructive patterns of our marriage where he withdraws from the conversation feeling overwhelmed but doesn't tell me he needs to do that, and I start trying to find different approaches to reach through the barriers he is putting up. He just feels more and more overwhelmed and I feel more and more distant and cut off from him. It is not a good thing. We don't do it often but it triggers some pretty serious issues for me.
I finally just went back to exercising and he went on to do what he was going to do. Luckily F. called and I was able to talk to him about it for a while and that helped quite a bit. He advised patience though, something not easy to do, and pointed out that I was undergoing changes. And with my new relationship with him there was pressure on my current relationship to change too. The shake up would make changes happen but I should be patient about it. Easy enough for him to say! Even if he is right.
Later Tom and I went out to work on the room in the barn. Tom finished taping the drywall that he repaired and I vacuumed up dead bugs and mice shit so he could caulk the molding and try to seal the room against the bugs and mice. I also went through a couple of boxes of books and papers, which had had mice in them at one time, so there was mice shit and urine stains, some chewed places, and mildew from the damp. I ended up throwing away a box of old astrology books :( and most of the papers. A few old magazines I bagged up and repacked for a future consideration, since they are mostly not replaceable.
Tom doesn't feel good. He may be coming down with something. We caught a squirrel and took it out to let it go far away from the house. He has caught quite a few of them but it doesn't seem to have made a dent in the squirrel population around the house. We know they don't find their way back because he sprays them with pink marking paint and we haven't found any pink squirrels in the traps.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind