Wow! Does my mood change! Friday I had an ocular migraine - spent 25 minutes watching the lights and zigzag pattern develop in my eyes and grow larger til it went out of my peripheral vision. That was fun but afterwards I developed all the symptoms of a headache except I didn't have much pain, light and sound sensitivity, general nausea, tightness in my head, and general malaise. Tom and I tried to drive into town but got only about 10 min. away before I knew that was a real mistake so we came back home. It lasted for several hours at that peak. F. called and I didn't even feel up to talking with him, which gives some indication of how lousy I felt.
Saturday we went in and ran our errands and I felt mostly ok but we took a bowl with in the car for security reasons. I was still feeling kind of nauseous. And today my head feels weird and I am nauseous again. So for the last three days I have not felt well and my perspective on the last several weeks was that I had not been getting anything done and feeling weird. Then I reread my journal and that simply isn't true. My mood really affects which things I remember. I read several studies on mood dependent recall while in school, which would agree with this experience.
Provided that I can feel well enough to do the Gardnerian circle we have planned tonight, it should be interesting. I got out some of the tools and the rituals. And I was surprised at the wave of emotional pain that came up from just handling the tools. While I dealt with the connections and broke the energy ties with the people that we had once been so deeply involved with in the Craft many years ago apparently there is still enough pain and loss associated with it to get triggered by the specific pattern of energy associated with the tools. Tom and I have decided to do a few Gardnerian circles over the next couple of months as I want to see about clearing that out and doing some more release work on it.
Copyright © 2001 Kyril Oakwind